Cats and Birds
by Personification of Fluff
Summary: Merle went out on her first date, but she comes back in a bad mood... how can Van help? not a VM fic


Author: Personification of Fluff

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Escaflowne characters are not mine.

Notes: After going through a situation like Merle's I really needed to write out my frustartions to relieve them and the have a permanent copy to remind me why -though I am the Personifactio of Fluff- I don't like men and have a tendency not to trust them. So, I wrote an Esca fic because it seems to me that Merle might have the same feelings I do. Of course, this has a happy ending because I need it to be fluff, so I have a nice, overly fluffy ending. ^_^ Enjoy.

  
  


*****

  
  


Merle came storming into the palace in a fit of rage and hatred, almost all of it directed at herself. She stomped all the way up to her room and slammed the door shut: if anyone in the palace didn't know that Merle was upset, then they had to have been both stupid and dead. She fell on her bed and pulled the covers over her head, feeling awful. Merle felt like she was going to be sick: she couldn't stop her body from shaking, and she wanted to claw at her skin and tear it away. Why couldn't she stop shaking?

  
  


Someone came and gently knocked on the door. "Merle?" 'Van. Of course it would be Van who came to see if I'm alright. He's always looking out for me... never tries to hurt me... why can't all guys be like that?' Van continued knocking, growing more worried. "Merle, please, can I come in? Are you okay? ...Did your date really go that bad?"

  
  


The covers went further over head when Van mentioned the date. Merle really didn't want to talk about it -the thought of her date made her want to dig her nails into her body and dig until she found her heart so she could take it over and never have to feel anything again- but she didn't want Van to become concerned for her, so Merle summoned up all her courage... "Come in."

  
  


Van came quietly into the room, the complete opposite to Merle's earlier entrance. He sat down on the bed beside Merle and smiled nervously, wondering how he can make it all better. "Come on Merle, it was only your first date. It couldn't have been that bad, right? What's the matter? Did he say he didn't want to see you again or something?"

  
  


She flung of the covers and hurled herself into Van's arms, hugging him like she would a doll when she had been smaller. Van was too surprised to act and was just trying to keep himself supported so he wouldn't loose his balance and pull them both off the bed. "Oh Van! It was a awful!"

  
  


"What happened?" Van asked cautiously how voice sympathetic. Merle only got like this when it really was serious, like when Fanelia had burned to the ground. If that mad had done anything to hurt her, he'd have him thrown in jail to teach him a lesson about women! If he'd done anything worse than that, Van would have his head on a chopping block! He shook his head, realizing the over protectiveness of his own thoughts. He could think of that later, after he knew what had happened. "Poor Merle..." He reached out and gently went to tuck some of her bright pink hair behind her ear so it wouldn't get wet with the tears that had started to roll from her eyes, but Merle reacted to his kind action by jerking away like it had been an electrical shock. Her face was pale, and he finally noticed how violently her body was shaking. It gave the saying 'trembling like a leaf' a whole new concept. His brown eyes narrowed and he tried to look her in her eyes, eyes that were wide with fear and shock. "Merle?" he repeated, a little bit more sternly, with a fatherly touch to it.

  
  


"He.... he.... we went to go see a play," she stuttered out, the words becoming easier as she spoke. "And we sat in the back. During the play, he kept on looking at me, and I could see him do it out of the corner of my eye but I couldn't figure out why." Her voice started to tremble, following the movements of her lips and bodies. Merle rubbed her arms, feeling cold. "He put his arm around me... and... and I really didn't mind it. He was warm, and I was so very cold. And he looked at me again... and I understood. He wanted to kiss me. So I let him." 

  
  


Her body began to shake with more ferocity, and the tears started to come again. "I really didn't mind him kissing me. It was... okay. A different sensation... and then we stopped. But then, a few minutes later he was doing it again; trying to kiss me. He... He.... He went through the entire movie trying to kiss me and it got to the point he was doing it so often that I knew what was coming up because he didn't have any new material. He kept on pulling my hair behind my ear to get it out of the way, and then he'd try to tilt up my face to his, but I wouldn't let him and he wouldn't get the clue!" 

  
  


Merle thumped the bed she sat on in frustration. Her anger was starting to show through, eating away at her fear. "Before that though, I let him kiss me again and.... and... and he tried to get his tongue in my mouth! I mean.... Okay, sure, I've heard about that style of kissing, and that it's enjoyable, but that doesn't mean... on our first date of all places!! Had he waited a month or two, sure, I'd have been ready but not then that jerk!!"

  
  


"Oh Van," she looked up at Van, whose expression had gone into its overprotective glare: the guy Merle had gone out with was going to find his house surrounded by guards very, very soon. "Van, I'm sorry. I should have left! When he tried.... I should have just gotten up and left! But he was a friend of mine and I kept thinking that... that if I stayed there, he would have gotten the hint and we could have started acting like we were before, we could have started insulting the actors and shouting out them from the back, then sneaking away before we got in trouble, but we didn't and...." Her tears began to sneak out, fuelled by confusion and hate. Hate at the boy who had hurt her and at herself for being so stupid.

  
  


"Don't blame yourself Merle!" Van cried. He reached out a hand to take her in his arms and hold her comfortingly, but recalled how she had reacted to his touch earlier and stopped. Instead, he just put a hand on her head, just like he always had done. Surely, that couldn't have been affected by this unfortunate incident. His guess was right as she didn't draw away. "Merle, it's not your fault. You're young still, you didn't realize this would happen, and now you know that when something makes you feel uncomfortable, you should either leave or claw at him to defend yourself, no matter how small the situation may seem or whether or not the person was your friend."

  
  


"Why can't I stop shaking?" Merle asked, looking at her trembling hands. She clenched them into fists and held them against her heart, hunched over from the pain she felt there. "Why do I feel like some part of me has died?" Her shoulders started shaking. "He stole it from me... I want it back. I don't want to have grown up! I want to be a kitten again!" She sniffled loudly. "Why can't it come back? I don't want to grow up!" 

  
  


Van could see that Merle was becoming hysterical and he wrapped his arms around her, and he enveloped his wings around them as well, hoping Merle would think of it as the arms of an angel. "Growing up is something that we all must do, but you were right; it was wrong. Your innocence won't come back. You have to except that and get right back on the horse and try again!"

  
  


"I don't want to try again!" Merle protested. "I want to grow up and old crazy lady with half a dozen stray cats to keep her company! I hate men! All they want is sex! I won't have them forcing me to grow up anymore! I refuse to grow up!" She looked up at Van and snuggled into his arms. "This is all I want. I don't want a boyfriend, I want the love of a father or a brother. Just somebody whom I can have a strong friendship with, who can hold me in their arms when I'm cold, someone I can trust never to hit on me or take advantage of me or try to make me grow up, who'll be there to tell me everything will turn out to be okay and will like me for being me." 

  
  


Merle felt so safe in Van's arms. When she had gone, towards the end of the date, Merle had felt like a possession in the arms of the boy she was with. She sat there thinking how she understood how women sold off to marriages they wanted no part in when they were thought of as mere objects. Merle hated it. She sighed, content. Van made her feel like her family. She could be herself around him, even when they were fighting or goofing off or she was being held in his arms. In Van's arms, she was only a little sister being held in the arms of her big brother. 

  
  


Van smiled and embraced the cat-girl tighter, laying them both down on the bed. He would hold her until she feel asleep and could get away from the nightmare of growing up. 'Poor little Merle... I'll be here. I promise I'll be here to help you grow up as painlessly as possible, to protect you from people that would try to hurt you, so that you can grow up to be as perfect as you are now.' He yawned and tucked the blankets over Merle. 'As soon as you're asleep, I'll send the guards after the cat-man and give him a scare for hurting you so he won't do that same thing to someone else. My little Merle, you grew up with me, and I'll continue to look out for you even when I am no longer King and you are an old cat lady. I love you, sis.'


End file.
